About a year and a half ago, my husband started getting strange emails about benefit applications he hadn’t sent in and email newsletters he hadn’t signed up for.
At first, we thought it was because someone with the same name got confused about their email address for a moment. (My husband has had this email address for 20 years.)
Since then, it’s gotten worse, and he gets a lot of messages that aren’t meant for him, like confirmations for a dozen job applications and requests for legal help.
We wouldn’t forward these emails if we knew the correct address for them.
My husband recently got one of these emails that was sent by mistake and had contact information for the wrong person in it. If the email address is wrong, should my husband call the number to let them know?
Should we instead write a letter that is polite but means well and can’t be traced back to us in case the other person has a problem with this? Or is this some kind of high-tech scam?
– Cautious Detectives
Dear detectives: This looks like a complicated phishing scam, which is a way to get private information over the internet. The best thing to do since you still don’t know the right email address is to write a letter. Plus, this keeps you from getting even more caught up.
People who fall for phishing scams often get a message saying that their private information has been stolen. If you called this person out of the blue, you might look like the scammers. There are a lot of funny stage farces in that, but who has time for all those slamming doors?
Phishing scams can happen to anyone, so it’s helpful to follow the Federal Trade Commission’s tips for spotting them and staying away from them.
If someone emails you about a problem with your account, tells you to click on a link to reset a password you don’t want to reset, or wants you to pay an invoice you don’t know, don’t click or reply. Please go to the company’s website and call them at the number provided, if you do business with that company.
If you don’t know the company, mark the message as spam and get rid of it.
Also, make sure that the software on your computer and phone is always up to date and that multifactor authentication is turned on. This makes it so that someone else has to do something extra to get into your accounts.
How are you? One of the nicest and most generous people I know is my sister-in-law. She does volunteer work at our golf club, at her church, and at the YMCA in our area. For medical care, she has driven friends across several states.
But her husband of more than 30 years, my brother, is not a social person, which makes her very angry. She will tell anyone who will listen how bad he is.
He doesn’t play enough golf for her to have alone time, and she can’t find the wine she wants at Costco. She recently started complaining to me about other things he does.
She recently said she wanted to “force” my brother to come over to my house and hang out with us while my daughter played in a charity tournament. Backpedaled. People say my tone became irritable.
She has been mad at someone for a very long time. Last week, my brother pulled out of a golf tournament where he was going to play with me because of this.
I’ve said sorry twice in person and in an email. She won’t even look at me or talk to me.
I need both of them in my life, but I don’t know how to get them. It made me proud to stand up for my brother.
– Bad-Mouthing Do-Gooder
Dear Do-Gooder: So much compassion for the world and yet so little for her husband. It’s a real shame.
Based on his answer, it sounds like either he doesn’t think her complaints are important (which is another shame) or their relationship is toxic in a way that could mean she is being abused emotionally. This is something to worry about.
Her constant anger and resentment is what’s stopping you here. And it might be impossible to solve. As you know, she’s ready to hold a small grudge against her husband and tell anyone who will listen about it. This fight with you is probably just adding fuel to the fire.
Right now, it’s clear that your brother doesn’t want you to stand up for him. What other things can you do to help him? A one-on-one talk with him would help. Let him know that you see and understand that boundary, but you’re worried.
Additionally, if you ever find yourself talking to his wife, you can and should let her know that you have a rule: don’t say bad things about my brother.
